he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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