i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
