Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
