I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
