Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
