I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
