I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
