I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
