OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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