Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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