you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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