i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
