so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
