I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
