I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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