Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
