someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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