Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
