Michael Bay diarrhea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
