i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
