That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
