guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
