did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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