Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
me + whiskey = a bad person
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
