Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
