Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
