I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
