she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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