dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
