I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
