I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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