Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
