i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
