Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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