Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hotel room ftw
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
