Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
