Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
