Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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