I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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