I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
