I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
