have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
