She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
