I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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