I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
