My liver just broke up with me...
we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
