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Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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