I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize