Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You need Xanax blowdarts
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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