Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
