Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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