It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
