She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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