I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
