Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
