dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
