North Korea, Best Korea!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
