Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize