Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
