8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
