Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
