Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
