Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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