i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
