is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
