Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
